Tuesday, May 19, 2015

My loneliness ain't killin' me no more

Something has been weighing on me lately. It was a comment that was made to me a few years ago, said by a frenemy with the intent to hurt me. She said "It's no wonder you're single." As if my charming personality has anything to do with it.
Let's get one or two things straight.
I am single by my own choosing. I don't mean to sound vain, but if I wanted to be in a relationship, I could. The guy would probably be a huge bore, or abusive, or far too nerdy, or just plain repulsive. You see, I hold myself to a pretty high standard. I don't want to be with just anybody for the rest of my life. If you're familiar with this so very popular blog, you'll know that I've talked very passionately about how I refuse to settle. That means that by all measures necessary, I will not let myself just end up with some Joe Schmoe, just because I don't think I can do better.
Through the course of my ever exciting life, I've been in relationships that my heart was not in as well. Were the guys terrific, stand-up citizens? Well, depending on who you ask, the answers could differ... But for the most part, yes, they were really great guys. Sadly, I couldn't stand to stay with them because my heart just wasn't in it. At the very least, I tried my best to Stockholm Syndrome myself because some of them were pretty well off in the financial sense, as awful as that makes me sound. Alas, it was no use.
Does the guy I'm going to be with for the rest of ever have to be perfect? Ew. No. I would more than likely hate him. But he does have to be perfect for me, in the sense that we understand, accept, and love each other, while being on the same path or paths that easily mesh. As far as I know, I haven't met him yet. If I have met you, get off your obstinate bum and wife this up. Or common law wife this up. Or long-term live-in girlfriend this up. Whatever. We can cross that bridge when we get to it.
Yes, I am very aware that the frenemy was trying to say that I get dumped a lot. Like I don't know that. If a guy doesn't want to be with me, good. I mean, I wish they'd let me know sooner rather than when I'm planning our wedding, two weeks in, but beggars can't be choosers. If a guy doesn't like me, what makes you think I should want to be with him. Obviously, the guys who don't want to date me can't see that I'm flawless.
I joke a lot about how terrible it is being single. Why? Because it is traditionally more accepted for a girl of my age to be in a long term relationship, and people expect me to be bitter and, frankly, it's kind of fun. But really, I'm happy. Ideally, I would already be settled down, but I'm not. If the right guy were to come along tomorrow, swell. It would make this post seem kind of silly and we could laugh and laugh about how ironic it was. In the slight off chance that that doesn't happen, this is for all the people who worry about me and my singularity. I'm not hopeless. It will happen. Sure I might be old and grey, but I won't be past lovable (if I ever was there).
But if I weren't single, what would I even occasionally blog about?

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