Friday, October 8, 2010

Where have all the cowboys gone?

When I was little, I never really imagined where I would be. I never really planned my future out. I never had dreams of getting married (to someone other than JTT), raising children (not just puppies and kittens and foals), having career, or ever really growing up. I was always in the right here, right now. I just wanted to get through my day and play with my goats.
Here I am, fifteen years later, and I still feel just as nonchalant about my future. I would love to get married someday, sure, but today just doesn't feel like the day and tomorrow isn't looking so great either.
Every now and again I see the cutest toddler and I think, Gee whiz, my kids are going to me three times as cute as that kid, at least. And then a minute later I see some mom with a two year-old and a baby and they're both screaming and she's got a somewhat deranged look in her eye and I think, Gee whiz, I'm so glad that I'm nowhere near having kids.
And let's be realistic: I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. One day I want to be a librarian, the next a wedding planner, later a stuntwoman, and by Saturday I'm completely convinced I'll be a veterinarian assistant on a horse farm.
I wish I could mentally grow up. I guess I have slowly. I've been in serious relationships. I've had the same job for two and a half years.
I just wish I could go to NeverNeverLand. Seriously. Captain Hook would be cake.