I can't seem to get past page one

I have a curse. I'm not going to make some snarky joke about having the curse of irresistible beauty, however true that fact may be. No, my friends, I have a real curse. Like that of The Brothers Grimm.
Since roughly the spring of 2009, I've not had a relationship/fling/what-have-you that lasted more than a month. Right now, I count five-ish serious relationships in there. Five. Sure, one of those relationships technically lasted a couple months. But I don't count the months following the first one since the day before our one month anniversary he went to jail. I feel like an idiotic high schooler who dates someone for a day and claims they are madly in love with them and inevitably breaks up with them a week later. I mean, I'm honestly embarrassed.
Today, I asked one of my exes (who wishes to remain nameless [he didn't actually say that] and who also doesn't consider our several month relationship to be a relationship at all, but more of a messed up friendship) if I could blame him since he is the last person to last more than a month. He agreed though he didn't have a choice since I'd already typed most of this.
So here's to me pulling a Sleeping Beauty and holing up in a castle, just chillin' in bed, waiting for some hot prince to come save me with a life-saving makeout session. Or, ya know, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and remain an unsavory companion.