I can't seem to get past page one

I have a curse. I'm not going to make some snarky joke about having the curse of irresistible beauty, however true that fact may be. No, my friends, I have a real curse. Like that of The Brothers Grimm.
Since roughly the spring of 2009, I've not had a relationship/fling/what-have-you that lasted more than a month. Right now, I count five-ish serious relationships in there. Five. Sure, one of those relationships technically lasted a couple months. But I don't count the months following the first one since the day before our one month anniversary he went to jail. I feel like an idiotic high schooler who dates someone for a day and claims they are madly in love with them and inevitably breaks up with them a week later. I mean, I'm honestly embarrassed.
Today, I asked one of my exes (who wishes to remain nameless [he didn't actually say that] and who also doesn't consider our several month relationship to be a relationship at all, but more of a messed up friendship) if I could blame him since he is the last person to last more than a month. He agreed though he didn't have a choice since I'd already typed most of this.
So here's to me pulling a Sleeping Beauty and holing up in a castle, just chillin' in bed, waiting for some hot prince to come save me with a life-saving makeout session. Or, ya know, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and remain an unsavory companion.

We found love in a hopeless place

So, there's this kid. And I kind of like him. And his name is Ian.
If you don't know Ian, take my personality, subtract the bitterness, add testicles and a lot more goofiness. That's Ian.
I work with this kid. That's how we met. I know, I know. You're thinking "No bueno. No good can come of a romance in the workplace." And I'd probably agree with you if you weren't wrong. Hell, I almost did worry that something negative would happen immediately. But, like I said: You're wrong.
Everyone at work loves us as a pair (as well as individually, I might add). If you are reading this and are from work and do not love us as a pair, chances are a.) we probably don't like you and/or b.) you're a sad, lonely person who can't be loved or love another person because you don't truly love yourself. You choose.
Anyways. Kasey is like a proud mom about it. "I knew as soon as Ian started working here that you two would get together! I'm like a millionaire matchmaker!" Sadly, I'm not a millionaire, Kasey. And neither is Ian. Though that would make the relationship that much better (jk [just in case]).
And even AmyFisher, THE BOSS, said that she knew about us before we even knew about us. And she approves! Talk about being given the blessing!

And just think, if this kid had never threatened to touch me, I probably never would have texted him to tell him that, no, he cannot touch me. And then I wouldn't have continued texting him. And I wouldn't have given him the worst hug in the history of mankind. And we wouldn't have talked through out my entire trip to Florida. And the day I got home from Florida, I wouldn't have visited him at Rutter's. And that night, I wouldn't have gone to a crappy bonfire with him and AndyMay. And I wouldn't have held his hand under a blanket. And I wouldn't have impetuously kissed him. And we wouldn't be as blissfully happy as we are now.

I forgot what else I was going to say about this kid. Oh, yes: he's cute. And I like him. And he thinks I'm pretty. Because he's smart.

Also, I know that being in a relationship kind of ruins the "Going Steadily Single" name. But I will consider myself "unsingle" when I'm married.

Thank you. That is all.