Wednesday, June 22, 2011

You're too bad, you're too rude.

You wanna know what? Do ya? Yeh, you bet your asphalt you do.
See, now I bet you were drawn into this blog solely based on that first line (or not). It's threatening, yet seems pretty harmless.
I'm sick of the guys like that. I've dated my share of Bad Boys. Let me tell you: big mistake. Big. Huge.
Bad boys aren't all they're cracked up to be.
"Oh! He smokes!" Yeh, well, there are cooler ways to die than your cells not knowing when to stop growing. (Example: Sting ray barb straight through the heart.)
"Oh! He drinks like a fish!" Yeh, because alcohol makes you really act like an adult.
"Oh! He drives fast/ a crotch rocket/ a fast crotch rocket!" Yeh, let's hope you're not in/on the vehicle when it goes careening out of control. And don't tell me that crotch rocket owners are super safe. You want a safe ride on two wheels? I suggest looking for a guy with a Schwinn. That or a vintage Harley, 'cause you know he's gonna take care of that sucker.
"Oh! He's in/ been to prison!" Yeh, a criminal is really something you want to live with. Sure, he says he's learned his lesson the hard way, but has he really? I mean, he shouldn't have even had to learn a lesson. And if he really did, he probably belongs on a short bus.
"Oh! He's covered in tattoos and piercings!" Yeh, tell me how he looks when he's 76 (if he makes it that far) and that skull and rose chest piece (complete with nipple piercings) he got done when he was in his twenties is down around his belly button.
"Oh! He's into illegal drugs!" Yeh, I shouldn't need to explain that. And if you do need me to explain it, stop reading my blog and head over to the local Planned Parenthood because I have no hope for you.
"Oh! He swears like a sailor!" Yeh, I'm just gonna go ahead and guess that he's not all that bright and doesn't really have much to say if he uses an expletive in every sentence.
"Oh! He wears dark sunglasses all the time!" Yeh, so this guy is one of the following: blind, always hungover, prone to migraines in fluorescent lighting, or hiding a perpetual case of pink eye. The only one out of those that I would find acceptable is blindness.
"Oh! He wears a leather jacket!" Yeh, unless he's portraying Danny Zuko or Uncle Jesse (Full House, not Dukes of Hazzard), no dice. I wouldn't even say yes to Uncle Jesse.
I'd list more, but I'm growing bored.
But as you can see, those are the more physical things. There are the other things: constantly ditching you, talking to you one second and then pretending you don't exist the other, pretty much any mental or physical abuse, etc.
And I know I'm not the only one who thought she could change a Bad Boy. You think you can get him to calm down. Sometimes, for a while you think you've succeeded, but really, you've just gotten used to his ways. The only way I see change for the better happening is extreme behavioral therapy, and maybe a few (legal) prescriptions.

I know no one really reads this, but here's hoping someone does and it helps them see the guy they're dating, thinking about dating, or used to date for what he is. Unless he's not a bad boy. Then you're fine.