Popcorn popping on the apricot tree.

I was recently asked why I chose to leave The Church. If you don't know what I mean by "The Church," I'm referring to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints, aka The Mormon Church.
I in no way mean for this post to be negative, nor do I want anyone who might be unbiased towards The Church to be swayed. Also, I don't mean to offend anyone. If you find yourself offended, you obviously didn't know me when I was devout and you don't know me now. I simply want to get my feelings out there.
Any person who grew up in The Church might be able to tell you that, regardless of the best intentions, those who stray off of the Path of Righteousness during their youth (or any other time for that matter) tend to be cast as black sheep. You know what I mean. As archaic as it sounds, people will talk about your transgressions. I know. I was one of those people. I was one of the ones who would give pitying glances to people I knew weren't being their best. I even almost disowned a friend because I found out that she had premarital sex. Can you imagine how terrific my victims felt? How awesome it feels to be called "That Muller girl" or whatever your name and gender may be? Anyways... Once I had matured, I never understood how people could see the light if they had never seen darkness. Now, I'm not saying that we should go out and build more distilleries, meth labs, and brothels. My point is that, some people need to see what's out there to know that it's not right. Or it's kind of like kids who don't learn by being lectured and taking notes. Some kids need physical evidence to learn. Take the Amish, for instance. They have Rumspringa. They encourage their young adults to go out and experience the world and get all the wild out, and when they are ready, to come back and continue on the path of their faith or leave the church altogether. Sure, if you leave the church you get shunned, but that's not my point. In the Mormon faith, you're encouraged to be faithful for faith's sake, then go out and bother other people to be faithful, and then start a family ASAP. Let me reiterate that that's dandy for everyone else. But that's not what I wanted to sign up for.
Another reason is that I never understood the reason to gather as a mass (pardon my Catholic pun) to worship. Yes, all religions tend to do that. Yes, I know we were told to by God, "For where two or three gather in my name" yada yada. But I always saw it as a "I'm more righteous/faithful/inspired than you" party. Especially when it came to bearing testimonies. It's wonderful that people want to express their love for the Lord and The Church and whatnot. But if you want to HumbleBrag about what obstacles you overcame this week that made you appreciate the things around you, save that for Thanksgiving or your Facebook status or your Christmas newsletter that no one's going to read. I prefer worshiping on my own, in my own way, without others butting in and pointing out that they're doing a better job. If you want to simply call that prayer, so be it.
The third reason(s) were personal things that happened to me concerning fellow members. If you don't know the things that happened, you don't need to or I don't like you, etc. More or less, on various occasions, upstanding members did some pretty low things to me or around me. I know not everyone's perfect. But don't stand there and act like you are and tell people you are. I found it hard to be a part of a church where people could be completely two-faced and that was celebrated and encouraged. Where people would stab you in the back, tell the people around you that you fell on the knife, and everyone would act as if nothing bad had ever happened. That doesn't work for me. If you're going to mistreat me, go ahead. But I don't want to be persecuted for punching you in the face in return. And I know that I shouldn't let a handful of people define The Church. But they're already doing it. Things like this broke my spirit and my heart. I felt that I had put so much into The Church and it was ok for some people to be bad and be hurtful, but not me. Nope, nope nope.
In summation, I'd really like to say it's just the wrong time for me to be a part of The Church, that I need to sow my wild oats, and just like the Prodigal Son, I'll return to open arms. Sadly, I don't think that's true. I still have my own beliefs, most of which The Church helped instill in me, but mostly I have my own moral compass which will be stronger than anyone's opinion any day. If you don't whole-heartedly support my choices, that's fine and I'm not hurt by that. I'm not looking to argue with anyone and I'm not looking to being invited back to church. I've found my peace and I'm happy with where it is. Yes.