This is morbid. I'll start out by saying that.
With all these people young people dying in car accidents and such lately, I need to make sure things are taken care of if I pass suddenly. See, I told you it was morbid.
To start, I don't want to be buried in something ugly or sad. I want to be in my red and black flannel shirt, a band shirt, my grey henley, or tiedye. I hate going to funerals and seeing the lost dressed in their worst church wear.
Speaking of clothing, NO ONE is to wear black or grey or depressing colors to my funeral or viewing. I want happy colors: yellows and pinks and neon greens and sky blues and lavenders. No black anything!!
To get in, you must bring a balloon. I don't care if it's mylar or latex (if you have a latex allergy, sorry: you probably should come see me) or a balloon animal or one of those punchy balloons. The first two must be filled with helium. Bonus points if you have a helium filled balloon animal. If you don't bring a balloon, you need to find one. If you can't find one, you need to try harder. If you really, really can't find one, you must make a ten dollar donation to the ASPCA.
If anyone brings an invisible dog, they also get bonus points. And if you come without the wire leash thing and just say "The dog is around here somewhere..." you get points taken away.
I don't really know what points I'm talking about, but I trust that the people who love me will figure something out for the points.
If anyone insists on a vigil, I need you to sing Johnny Cash, 3Oh!3, Frank Sinatra, The Ready Set, and Gavin Degraw. Even without a vigil, you need to sing.
And don't think you can get in without following my set of rules. There will be a bouncer there. Trust me.
And don't think I'm joking about any of this. I hope that since you read this, that means you care and that you want to make me happy. And the above would make me happy. So make sure this happens. Yameen?
The end.
Also, if anyone decides to be dramatic and let go of their helium balloons after I'm in the ground, I swear I will put together a band of ghouls and we will haunt your butt for the rest of your life. You're hurting our environment. We're going to make you pay.
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3 comments:
I'll be the one with the dog shaped balloon (that way I have my bases covered).
Lady, sometimes I think that if your creative head were to explode (though I obviously hope it never does), it wouldn't be normal brain matter (eww), it would be bright pink and blue and yellow and purple paint that would just come out :)
Yeah, werid comment, but it's the truth.
i'm pretty sure i got the balloon animal making down. he need a helium tank for florida...
Oh man.
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