Here in the dark, I stand before you

It's been forever since I've done anything with this thing...


So last night, I had a dream that I was at this YSA Conference funded concert. The group was, like, twenty people and was called something like Soul Voices Combined (maybe, maybe not). Anyways, after one of their numbers, they asked for volunteers. I was thinking Wow!! I'll get to meet members of my FAVORITE GROUP EVER!! I'll do it!! (I was like a teenybopper) So I frantically wave my hand in the air and since I was in the first row (what are the odds), the see me first and one of the members picks me. After a while, each of the members has one audience member, so forty people on stage. Then the cast members run off to the back of the stage and leave us volunteers there. Then the host (yes, actually, it does become a reality show...) comes out and says that they will pick people to sing a whole song by themselves. Of course, they picked me first again. Everything went black except for the one spotlight on me. Then I just started singing Here's Where I Stand (which I'm pretty sure is on my playlist on here). I think I nailed it. Which got me pretty psyched when I woke up.


The end.

I've got the marbles I could sell for money

So, this is going to be a totally random blogging. I have a couple minutes before I need to stop procrastinating and twelve weeks to rant about.

I've lost two very best friends in the same weekend. Well, I didn't lose them. I know exactly where they are. And it's probably for the better. The reasoning: sex, drugs, lying, Hershey Park, gossip, picnics, almost step-brothers, work, me no longer wanting a relationship with someone who is not George Raymond Wolf, going to the movies, bracelets. The usual.

Oh well. This gives me a reason to latch on to other people and make even awesomer best friends.


I made a realization weeks ago. One of the above BFFs was talking to me and I was being vain (but in a fake way, FYI). He said, "Well aren't you just God's gift...." and I said, "Everyone is God's gift to the world." At first I was joking, and then I decided I needed to prove it to myself just in case he decided to argue it (he didn't. He just rolled his eyes [he's not so big on God])
Everyone really is. Even the rapists and terrorists and child abusers and drug dealers and crack addicts and serial killers and bank robbers and cranky people who yell at you because there's no coffee made in your convenience store. Even the guy that tried to kidnap me when I was ten. They're here to make us stronger.


So, right now, I'm making up this list. Intriguing, right? Just wait till you hear what it is! It's a list of all the people in my phone. You know why? I doubt it. Let me tell you. I'm going to say what I think of each of them and put it on here. Of course, I won't be putting there name next to it. It will be completely random.... I'm not that courageous.


I need to be on stage again. I was supposed to audition for Willy Wonka Jr... and then they changed it to ages 7 through high school senior... I could pass for that, right? Maybe I'll find something where I don't have a bad history with the director or there's no age restriction or you don't have to be a "priveleged" person (i.e. you spend a couple hundred bucks to join an "academy" acting class but really you're just buying yourself a part because you really, really suck at acting AND singing). Lisa, my sister, told me to just do set with her. That is not me. I am on stage, in the spotlight. Or behind the person in the spotlight. Or to the side of the stage with a dinky spotlight on me because I'm singing back-up for the person who is really in the spotlight. Nevertheless, that's where I need to be.


So I finally found the Readers' Cafe. It's some small bookshop-slash-coffee place-slash-beatnik club (I think) in Hanover where on the first Monday of every month, they have open mic night for poets. I'm thinking about going. I've wanted to go since 10th or 11th grade but I've never been able to find it. So, who wants to go with me??


I think I'm done for now. I've forgotten everything important and uplifting that I wanted to share.


Yes.

Mr. Trebek

So, I need to add this picture.

Kayla is going to be a junior in high school. She is wise far beyond her years. She is amazing.

friends and lovers

So, I need some advice. Who wants to be awesome and attempt to give it?
Let me know if you're up for it, one way or another.

Hmmm.

It's been a horrible week. Like completely horrible, dreadful, gruesome, repulsive, abonimable, lousy, loathsome, unkind, heinous, odious, and any other thesaurus.com word you feel appropriate.
My boss has been a b-word. One of my co-workers had a freak-out and said I never do anything. I'm losing friends left and right from time, distance, and plain stupidity. I can't muster up the enthusiasm to write to George. My parents think I'm suicidal. I've been completely miserable.
I'm done with putting on this tough, Bring it on, I can take you face. I'm sick of it.
Last night around 10, I was laying in bed, texting Josh, totally restless. I needed to drive. I think best when I'm driving. That's why I hate taking people to institute. That's my time to sit and think.
I went out to my living room and announced, "I'll be back around 12. I'm going for a drive."
My dad asked me if I was sober. My mom asked me what was wrong. Then I started crying. Dad didn't want me to leave because he was afraid I was going to drive off a cliff or something. Mom kept asking what was wrong. I told them I was fine and I was just overwhelmed.

I went to my happy swings. It's a crappy swingset in Lake Meade at the top of the dam. It would be a whole heck of a lot better if they overlooked the dam but they just look at a house or a Verizon shed (depending on which way you're sitting, of course).

Josh showed up to play basketball with two of his friends. He told me I'm not the kind of person to let little things and stupid people bother me. He told me I'm not the kind of person to just sit and pout and not do something about it.
I know I'm not that kind of person. I try not to be her but I don't want to anymore. I can't do anything when there's nothing to do.

Tonight, I sat in my basement and watched Charlotte's Web and cried my eyes out.

The one person I counted on to care couldn't any less.

Thanks.

Hahaheeheehahaho

Things are going well. That's all I can really say at the moment.
I've of so many things to say in the last month or two, but by the time I get to sit down and put it on here, I've completely forgotten.

Hooray.

I love that voice!

I got to talk to George today! I got to talk to George today! I got to talk to George today! I got to talk to George today! I got to talk to George today! I got to talk to George today!

So, if you haven't heard, I got to talk to George today!
He called his mommy for Mother's Day and demanded that I come over and talk to him.
His mama called me and told me and then said, "I'm not too happy about this. You only get 10 minutes." TEN MINUTES!! He had more than an hour to talk! What are they going to talk about for a half hour (Emy and David were there too)?? I should at least have gotten 20 minutes! I mean, I'M going to be the one he spends the rest of eternity with voluntarily!!! Geez.

I was so nervous... I hadn't talked to him since the day before he left.
I got on the phone and it was just like he was calling me when he was home. It was so nice.

I only have 472 days left!
Big party in a couple days. It'll be a Only A Year and 100 Days Left Party!

=) =) =)