Some days the sky's so blue, I feel like I can talk to you.

It's been five years since the world lost an amazing person. It's been five years since I got a text from a friend and thought it was just some awful rumor going around. It's been five years since I went into my worst ever depression and didn't leave bed for nearly a week. Five years since an important person in my life left without ever saying goodbye. I'd like to say that after five years, I've accepted this fact that he's not here anymore. But I can't say that. I wasn't here when he was laid to rest. I couldn't come home to make my peace with it. I thought maybe going to see where it happened would help. I thought going to see his grave would bring me some comfort. I still don't accept it. Somehow I just keep thinking that he's off some place, on some great adventure, and will just come back someday to tell us all how wonderful his trip was.
Dustin was my first major crush. He was an ass to me and a really great friend. We acted like we hated each other but we had inside jokes. During my first awful breakup, my first instinct was to rush to his house and cry. We didn't always get along, but I would have done anything for him and I like to think he'd do the same for me.
I heard his voice today for the first time in five years. I wasn't expecting it and it took me back to a simpler time when I never saw this coming, but instead saw the most wonderful opportunities for him.
I'm afraid one day I'm going to stop thinking about him, my memories won't be as vivid, I won't be able to remember conversations word for word. I used to be reminded of him daily. Today was the first time in a while, only because I looked at the calendar and saw that it was the 17th and I couldn't figure out what significance the day held.
I know I'm not the only victim, definitely not the most affected, so it seems a little selfish of me to be focused on this. My heart goes out to his loved ones and I hope there is comfort in their lives with the faith of seeing him in another world.
Missing you, Dustin Ryan.