This is morbid. I'll start out by saying that.
With all these people young people dying in car accidents and such lately, I need to make sure things are taken care of if I pass suddenly. See, I told you it was morbid.
To start, I don't want to be buried in something ugly or sad. I want to be in my red and black flannel shirt, a band shirt, my grey henley, or tiedye. I hate going to funerals and seeing the lost dressed in their worst church wear.
Speaking of clothing, NO ONE is to wear black or grey or depressing colors to my funeral or viewing. I want happy colors: yellows and pinks and neon greens and sky blues and lavenders. No black anything!!
To get in, you must bring a balloon. I don't care if it's mylar or latex (if you have a latex allergy, sorry: you probably should come see me) or a balloon animal or one of those punchy balloons. The first two must be filled with helium. Bonus points if you have a helium filled balloon animal. If you don't bring a balloon, you need to find one. If you can't find one, you need to try harder. If you really, really can't find one, you must make a ten dollar donation to the ASPCA.
If anyone brings an invisible dog, they also get bonus points. And if you come without the wire leash thing and just say "The dog is around here somewhere..." you get points taken away.
I don't really know what points I'm talking about, but I trust that the people who love me will figure something out for the points.
If anyone insists on a vigil, I need you to sing Johnny Cash, 3Oh!3, Frank Sinatra, The Ready Set, and Gavin Degraw. Even without a vigil, you need to sing.
And don't think you can get in without following my set of rules. There will be a bouncer there. Trust me.
And don't think I'm joking about any of this. I hope that since you read this, that means you care and that you want to make me happy. And the above would make me happy. So make sure this happens. Yameen?
The end.
Also, if anyone decides to be dramatic and let go of their helium balloons after I'm in the ground, I swear I will put together a band of ghouls and we will haunt your butt for the rest of your life. You're hurting our environment. We're going to make you pay.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Don't want your bad, bad Bromance
So, I know it's been awhile since I've released bloggily. And, okay, I know this deviates from my usual theme of dating. So let me justify: I do not want to date someone like this.
Seriously. This has been getting on my nerves lately. Like to the point where I might get violent.
What I'm talking about here is ManHugs. You know what it is. When men hug for just a little too long.
So why do I hate this? Because. It's disturbing. And before any homosexual males who may read this by some freak coincidence where they were actually trying to read a fabulous friend's blog and stumbled onto mine by mistake by switching a letter around, let me clarify for your sparkly sake: I'm referring to when two STRAIGHT males hug. Gay guys hugging is a natural thing for me (I was in colorguard, so there's that). And I'm not bothered by the quick half-second rap on the back hug. But when to straight guys hug for more than 4 seconds, I hate it. They think it's humorous. It's not humorous. It may be slightly humorous at Second 5, but after that, you make me feel uncomfortable, and I know I'm not alone. If you need to hug another man for that long, you need to come out of the closet. I promise. Are you trying to impress the girls? Well, you probably think it's working since they're laughing. Wrong. We're laughing because we're trying to diffuse the awkward situation you're insisting on creating.
And then when to men stand with their arms around each other. I don't mean around the shoulders. Around the shoulders is a camaraderie thing set aside for pictures, drunken singing, and huddles. It shows that you are willing to work as one and is respected by the public. That's fine. And one man with his arm around the shoulders of another while latter stands there usually involves two separate generations, be it grandfather and grandson or pedophile and JV football player. One is acceptable, while the other is not. But that's not what I'm getting at.... When two men are standing with their arms around each other's waists, once again, it's a little gay. There's probably more laughing from the girls, but not the good laughter.
I could berate some more, but I need to go to bed. So, remember keep the length of the hug to a minimum.
Exceptions:
Seriously. This has been getting on my nerves lately. Like to the point where I might get violent.
What I'm talking about here is ManHugs. You know what it is. When men hug for just a little too long.
So why do I hate this? Because. It's disturbing. And before any homosexual males who may read this by some freak coincidence where they were actually trying to read a fabulous friend's blog and stumbled onto mine by mistake by switching a letter around, let me clarify for your sparkly sake: I'm referring to when two STRAIGHT males hug. Gay guys hugging is a natural thing for me (I was in colorguard, so there's that). And I'm not bothered by the quick half-second rap on the back hug. But when to straight guys hug for more than 4 seconds, I hate it. They think it's humorous. It's not humorous. It may be slightly humorous at Second 5, but after that, you make me feel uncomfortable, and I know I'm not alone. If you need to hug another man for that long, you need to come out of the closet. I promise. Are you trying to impress the girls? Well, you probably think it's working since they're laughing. Wrong. We're laughing because we're trying to diffuse the awkward situation you're insisting on creating.
And then when to men stand with their arms around each other. I don't mean around the shoulders. Around the shoulders is a camaraderie thing set aside for pictures, drunken singing, and huddles. It shows that you are willing to work as one and is respected by the public. That's fine. And one man with his arm around the shoulders of another while latter stands there usually involves two separate generations, be it grandfather and grandson or pedophile and JV football player. One is acceptable, while the other is not. But that's not what I'm getting at.... When two men are standing with their arms around each other's waists, once again, it's a little gay. There's probably more laughing from the girls, but not the good laughter.
I could berate some more, but I need to go to bed. So, remember keep the length of the hug to a minimum.
Exceptions:
- Friend is leaving for a long time. (Only one long hug permitted)
- Friend has just returned after a long time. (Only one long hug permitted)
- Friend just saved your life/ you just save the friend's life (Hug must not exceed 6 seconds)
- Friend had a recent death in his immediate family (One to two separate hugs permitted)
- Finding out your friend is actually an immediate family member (One long hug permitted)
- Friend just won the Super Bowl or lottery (As many long hugs as will get you the proper hookups)
- Friend is dying from debilitating disease (One long hug permitted)
- Friend has fully recovered from debilitating disease (One medium length hug followed by many high fives)
- Friend has just been stricken with lock jaw and can't move his body (Finish out the hug and then safely remove him from your body)
- Friend has passed out from illness while hugging you (Safely recline him as soon as possible)
- Friend has passed out from inebriation while hugging you (Get him off you as soon as possible, no matter how forceful you must be [you should also probably shower])
- You didn't listen to my advice and you hugged for so long that your friend died from natural causes while hugging you (and, obviously, without your knowledge) and rigor mortis has already set in (I don't really care. You don't care about my advice anyway.)
Sunday, July 31, 2011
And why we're patient, no one knows.
I'm not meant to wait. Not for anyone or anything. I'm completely impatient. I don't know if I can make it anymore simple than that.
I couldn't wait two years for a guy. I can't wait four months for a guy. Hell, I don't even want to wait an hour for a guy.
So let's talk about that, guys. If you knew we were supposed to hang out at a certain point, don't be late. And if you really know me, you should be early. Let's make an example. Hmmm. Ok, so let's say you, me, and some friends were supposed to go to a festival (yeh, I know that's a weird choice, but it applies) at 5pm. I call you at 4 to see if we could go a little early. You tell me that that wouldn't be possible because you're actually going to be late because you're hanging out with one of your bros twenty minutes away and you still have to come home and shower and you're not done hanging out yet. Well. That doesn't fly. Here's why: You knew we were hanging out at that certain time and you have a very poor reason as to why you can't be there on time. Also, I had to call YOU to find out you were going to be late. AND it makes me feel like a jerk when I tell my friends you're not coming because I'm not waiting for you because you're stupid.
So if I wouldn't wait for something like that, what makes you think I would wait for someone who isn't ready for a relationship with me. Best excuse that I've heard? "Well, I don't know if it's going to work out with me and Brandisha." (I don't actually know a Brandisha so I'm using that name) If you're not interested in being with me now and would rather be with someone else "temporarily," that means you don't want to be with me ever. At least that's how I'm going to take it.
So, I walked away from this for a few minutes and now I've lost where I was going with it and it would be a shame for me to even try to finish it. So you're just going to have to deal with how it is.
I couldn't wait two years for a guy. I can't wait four months for a guy. Hell, I don't even want to wait an hour for a guy.
So let's talk about that, guys. If you knew we were supposed to hang out at a certain point, don't be late. And if you really know me, you should be early. Let's make an example. Hmmm. Ok, so let's say you, me, and some friends were supposed to go to a festival (yeh, I know that's a weird choice, but it applies) at 5pm. I call you at 4 to see if we could go a little early. You tell me that that wouldn't be possible because you're actually going to be late because you're hanging out with one of your bros twenty minutes away and you still have to come home and shower and you're not done hanging out yet. Well. That doesn't fly. Here's why: You knew we were hanging out at that certain time and you have a very poor reason as to why you can't be there on time. Also, I had to call YOU to find out you were going to be late. AND it makes me feel like a jerk when I tell my friends you're not coming because I'm not waiting for you because you're stupid.
So if I wouldn't wait for something like that, what makes you think I would wait for someone who isn't ready for a relationship with me. Best excuse that I've heard? "Well, I don't know if it's going to work out with me and Brandisha." (I don't actually know a Brandisha so I'm using that name) If you're not interested in being with me now and would rather be with someone else "temporarily," that means you don't want to be with me ever. At least that's how I'm going to take it.
So, I walked away from this for a few minutes and now I've lost where I was going with it and it would be a shame for me to even try to finish it. So you're just going to have to deal with how it is.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
You're too bad, you're too rude.
You wanna know what? Do ya? Yeh, you bet your asphalt you do.
See, now I bet you were drawn into this blog solely based on that first line (or not). It's threatening, yet seems pretty harmless.
I'm sick of the guys like that. I've dated my share of Bad Boys. Let me tell you: big mistake. Big. Huge.
Bad boys aren't all they're cracked up to be.
"Oh! He smokes!" Yeh, well, there are cooler ways to die than your cells not knowing when to stop growing. (Example: Sting ray barb straight through the heart.)
"Oh! He drinks like a fish!" Yeh, because alcohol makes you really act like an adult.
"Oh! He drives fast/ a crotch rocket/ a fast crotch rocket!" Yeh, let's hope you're not in/on the vehicle when it goes careening out of control. And don't tell me that crotch rocket owners are super safe. You want a safe ride on two wheels? I suggest looking for a guy with a Schwinn. That or a vintage Harley, 'cause you know he's gonna take care of that sucker.
"Oh! He's in/ been to prison!" Yeh, a criminal is really something you want to live with. Sure, he says he's learned his lesson the hard way, but has he really? I mean, he shouldn't have even had to learn a lesson. And if he really did, he probably belongs on a short bus.
"Oh! He's covered in tattoos and piercings!" Yeh, tell me how he looks when he's 76 (if he makes it that far) and that skull and rose chest piece (complete with nipple piercings) he got done when he was in his twenties is down around his belly button.
"Oh! He's into illegal drugs!" Yeh, I shouldn't need to explain that. And if you do need me to explain it, stop reading my blog and head over to the local Planned Parenthood because I have no hope for you.
"Oh! He swears like a sailor!" Yeh, I'm just gonna go ahead and guess that he's not all that bright and doesn't really have much to say if he uses an expletive in every sentence.
"Oh! He wears dark sunglasses all the time!" Yeh, so this guy is one of the following: blind, always hungover, prone to migraines in fluorescent lighting, or hiding a perpetual case of pink eye. The only one out of those that I would find acceptable is blindness.
"Oh! He wears a leather jacket!" Yeh, unless he's portraying Danny Zuko or Uncle Jesse (Full House, not Dukes of Hazzard), no dice. I wouldn't even say yes to Uncle Jesse.
I'd list more, but I'm growing bored.
But as you can see, those are the more physical things. There are the other things: constantly ditching you, talking to you one second and then pretending you don't exist the other, pretty much any mental or physical abuse, etc.
And I know I'm not the only one who thought she could change a Bad Boy. You think you can get him to calm down. Sometimes, for a while you think you've succeeded, but really, you've just gotten used to his ways. The only way I see change for the better happening is extreme behavioral therapy, and maybe a few (legal) prescriptions.
I know no one really reads this, but here's hoping someone does and it helps them see the guy they're dating, thinking about dating, or used to date for what he is. Unless he's not a bad boy. Then you're fine.
See, now I bet you were drawn into this blog solely based on that first line (or not). It's threatening, yet seems pretty harmless.
I'm sick of the guys like that. I've dated my share of Bad Boys. Let me tell you: big mistake. Big. Huge.
Bad boys aren't all they're cracked up to be.
"Oh! He smokes!" Yeh, well, there are cooler ways to die than your cells not knowing when to stop growing. (Example: Sting ray barb straight through the heart.)
"Oh! He drinks like a fish!" Yeh, because alcohol makes you really act like an adult.
"Oh! He drives fast/ a crotch rocket/ a fast crotch rocket!" Yeh, let's hope you're not in/on the vehicle when it goes careening out of control. And don't tell me that crotch rocket owners are super safe. You want a safe ride on two wheels? I suggest looking for a guy with a Schwinn. That or a vintage Harley, 'cause you know he's gonna take care of that sucker.
"Oh! He's in/ been to prison!" Yeh, a criminal is really something you want to live with. Sure, he says he's learned his lesson the hard way, but has he really? I mean, he shouldn't have even had to learn a lesson. And if he really did, he probably belongs on a short bus.
"Oh! He's covered in tattoos and piercings!" Yeh, tell me how he looks when he's 76 (if he makes it that far) and that skull and rose chest piece (complete with nipple piercings) he got done when he was in his twenties is down around his belly button.
"Oh! He's into illegal drugs!" Yeh, I shouldn't need to explain that. And if you do need me to explain it, stop reading my blog and head over to the local Planned Parenthood because I have no hope for you.
"Oh! He swears like a sailor!" Yeh, I'm just gonna go ahead and guess that he's not all that bright and doesn't really have much to say if he uses an expletive in every sentence.
"Oh! He wears dark sunglasses all the time!" Yeh, so this guy is one of the following: blind, always hungover, prone to migraines in fluorescent lighting, or hiding a perpetual case of pink eye. The only one out of those that I would find acceptable is blindness.
"Oh! He wears a leather jacket!" Yeh, unless he's portraying Danny Zuko or Uncle Jesse (Full House, not Dukes of Hazzard), no dice. I wouldn't even say yes to Uncle Jesse.
I'd list more, but I'm growing bored.
But as you can see, those are the more physical things. There are the other things: constantly ditching you, talking to you one second and then pretending you don't exist the other, pretty much any mental or physical abuse, etc.
And I know I'm not the only one who thought she could change a Bad Boy. You think you can get him to calm down. Sometimes, for a while you think you've succeeded, but really, you've just gotten used to his ways. The only way I see change for the better happening is extreme behavioral therapy, and maybe a few (legal) prescriptions.
I know no one really reads this, but here's hoping someone does and it helps them see the guy they're dating, thinking about dating, or used to date for what he is. Unless he's not a bad boy. Then you're fine.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I've come to realize that guys must have all taken some secret class in middle school or something to teach them how to (poorly) get girls. Or they all have this little hand book or something that tells them what to say. Or they hold a weekly (maybe monthly) meeting where they say "Hey, this line totally worked for me! I bet it'll work for you too!"
I mean, really. Every guy I've dated has used the exact same line on me (and for some unknown reason I still dated them). It goes something along the lines of "I've never met another girl like you." Gag me with a fork.
I just picked up on their little trick about three beaus ago. One guy said it to me and I instantly had aforementioned epiphany. I called him out and he went on to further explain how I was different: how I'm insecure about who I am but I still stand strong; how I know I'm beautiful; how I deserve better than any guy has ever treated me; etc and etc. After we broke up, I reread that text (yeah, I saved it) (yeah, the fact that it was a text should have been my first tip-off) and realized he had made a generalization about every single girl in the entire world.
And I guarantee every girl has heard or will hear that there's no other girl like her. Well, duh. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Everyone is different, just like everyone else. None of us are made the same, so of course you've never met anyone else like me.
I don't know why they feel the need to say it. I'm guessing that line is in the "Seal the Deal" chapter. I dunno. But since my explosion of knowledge, I feel the need to call them out on it (and I encourage you to do it as well). And I do love it when they try to rationalize their statement. It shows that they're in it to win it.
So, in closing, remember that you are an individual, though you need no help remembering that when a flirty guy tells you straight up.
But, in all actuality, I'm just like every other little girl.
I mean, really. Every guy I've dated has used the exact same line on me (and for some unknown reason I still dated them). It goes something along the lines of "I've never met another girl like you." Gag me with a fork.
I just picked up on their little trick about three beaus ago. One guy said it to me and I instantly had aforementioned epiphany. I called him out and he went on to further explain how I was different: how I'm insecure about who I am but I still stand strong; how I know I'm beautiful; how I deserve better than any guy has ever treated me; etc and etc. After we broke up, I reread that text (yeah, I saved it) (yeah, the fact that it was a text should have been my first tip-off) and realized he had made a generalization about every single girl in the entire world.
And I guarantee every girl has heard or will hear that there's no other girl like her. Well, duh. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Everyone is different, just like everyone else. None of us are made the same, so of course you've never met anyone else like me.
I don't know why they feel the need to say it. I'm guessing that line is in the "Seal the Deal" chapter. I dunno. But since my explosion of knowledge, I feel the need to call them out on it (and I encourage you to do it as well). And I do love it when they try to rationalize their statement. It shows that they're in it to win it.
So, in closing, remember that you are an individual, though you need no help remembering that when a flirty guy tells you straight up.
But, in all actuality, I'm just like every other little girl.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
I just know he's the wonder what his name is.
There's a difference between "settling down" and "settling."
Settling down is meeting that one person you cannot live without and starting a life together and living so happily ever after.
Settling is meeting some person that you weren't really looking for and thinking "Hey, might as well..."
Settling down is confidently putting down roots in something you have full faith in.
Settling is surrendering your faith in yourself for something that is foolish.
This is something I feel strongly about. You can't just give up when it comes to looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with (or longer, depending on your beliefs). If you're submissive about who you date/marry, I can almost guarantee you're going to be miserable, whether you are single or in a relationship. Also, if someone comes along, whom you barely know, and you seemingly hit it off, and decide to get married in a matter of days, that's called desperation. Which is not good. Deciding your life's path in a state of despair, when you NEED to find love, is not the best way to go. But that could just be me.
It could be that I feel this way because I've met so many Mormon missionaries, right off of their mission who are nearly ravenous to find a spouse, because they've been stuck with a companion for two years straight and now they don't know how to be alone. Yeh, that's healthy.... Not. Some of these guys will ask every person they go on a date with, convinced that she has to be The One since she was interested in going on said date in the first place. Or they do the creep on all girls, hoping that The One will be sifted out of all the others. Or they do nothing, complaining about how there are no pretty girls around to date, but when one shows interest, they clam up and don't know what to do. Yeh, guys, good luck with that.
I hope I never make the mistake of settling. If you know anything about me, you know how much I hate making a decision, thus I never settle for second best (or third or fourth, etc.).
Settling down is meeting that one person you cannot live without and starting a life together and living so happily ever after.
Settling is meeting some person that you weren't really looking for and thinking "Hey, might as well..."
Settling down is confidently putting down roots in something you have full faith in.
Settling is surrendering your faith in yourself for something that is foolish.
This is something I feel strongly about. You can't just give up when it comes to looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with (or longer, depending on your beliefs). If you're submissive about who you date/marry, I can almost guarantee you're going to be miserable, whether you are single or in a relationship. Also, if someone comes along, whom you barely know, and you seemingly hit it off, and decide to get married in a matter of days, that's called desperation. Which is not good. Deciding your life's path in a state of despair, when you NEED to find love, is not the best way to go. But that could just be me.
It could be that I feel this way because I've met so many Mormon missionaries, right off of their mission who are nearly ravenous to find a spouse, because they've been stuck with a companion for two years straight and now they don't know how to be alone. Yeh, that's healthy.... Not. Some of these guys will ask every person they go on a date with, convinced that she has to be The One since she was interested in going on said date in the first place. Or they do the creep on all girls, hoping that The One will be sifted out of all the others. Or they do nothing, complaining about how there are no pretty girls around to date, but when one shows interest, they clam up and don't know what to do. Yeh, guys, good luck with that.
I hope I never make the mistake of settling. If you know anything about me, you know how much I hate making a decision, thus I never settle for second best (or third or fourth, etc.).
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Your relationships come and go, but what makes a difference is how you take advantage of the flirting eyes
So, today's prompt (pulled from the SuperCoolBlogBasket) is "Happy & Single." You have no idea how appropriate this subject is for how I'm feeling today.
To begin, let me quote from a couple of posts back.
So, in case you're unaware of my "relationship status" (I'm still trying to come up with something that sounds remotely official), let me clarify for you: I'm single and happy. Not happy because I'm single. Not single because it makes me happy. Just single AND happy in two different contexts. They don't go hand in hand (all the time). I could still be happy in a relationship. I could still be single and miserable. But for now I am single and happy.
Thinking about it, I've really already blogged the hell out of this topic, but I can't leave a sleeping dog lie (if you really knew me, you'd know how true that is). I need to go more into it. So here it is.
I do not need to be in a relationship to be happy. I know I feel that way when I'm just in a mopey mood (and especially if I just broke up with someone), but that's just me being dumb. Because, really, I've been single for the better part of seven months, and these have been some pretty great months.
In relation, I don't have to be single to be happy either. Let's face it: being in a relationship can be pretty blissful. I like being in love.
And I don't know why people are always so upset that they're single. Look at it this way: You're on an adventure! You get to go out and search (passively or assertively [your choice]) for someone who can make your heart melt! Weeeeee! Also, you should be happy you're not with So-and-so who broke your dear little heart, because, obviously, things weren't working out. Who wants to be unhappy in a relationship? See how no one's raising their hands...
As I've said before, your "relationship status" should not affect all your emotions. Be sad after a breakup. That's fine. But being forlorn and hopeless about your life months after is no way to be. I don't want a friend like that, so I don't want to be a friend like that. And most people don't want to walk up and chat with a sad person, no matter how attractive they are, so that means you're not gonna get asked out (more like consoled [not the same thing and also not a good plan to get someone to talk to you]).
Moral of mystory post: If you really, really try, I bet you can be happy (unless you've got an icebox where your heart used to be [then you should probably worry and not sing about it]).
To begin, let me quote from a couple of posts back.
So, in case you're unaware of my "relationship status" (I'm still trying to come up with something that sounds remotely official), let me clarify for you: I'm single and happy. Not happy because I'm single. Not single because it makes me happy. Just single AND happy in two different contexts. They don't go hand in hand (all the time). I could still be happy in a relationship. I could still be single and miserable. But for now I am single and happy.
Thinking about it, I've really already blogged the hell out of this topic, but I can't leave a sleeping dog lie (if you really knew me, you'd know how true that is). I need to go more into it. So here it is.
I do not need to be in a relationship to be happy. I know I feel that way when I'm just in a mopey mood (and especially if I just broke up with someone), but that's just me being dumb. Because, really, I've been single for the better part of seven months, and these have been some pretty great months.
In relation, I don't have to be single to be happy either. Let's face it: being in a relationship can be pretty blissful. I like being in love.
And I don't know why people are always so upset that they're single. Look at it this way: You're on an adventure! You get to go out and search (passively or assertively [your choice]) for someone who can make your heart melt! Weeeeee! Also, you should be happy you're not with So-and-so who broke your dear little heart, because, obviously, things weren't working out. Who wants to be unhappy in a relationship? See how no one's raising their hands...
As I've said before, your "relationship status" should not affect all your emotions. Be sad after a breakup. That's fine. But being forlorn and hopeless about your life months after is no way to be. I don't want a friend like that, so I don't want to be a friend like that. And most people don't want to walk up and chat with a sad person, no matter how attractive they are, so that means you're not gonna get asked out (more like consoled [not the same thing and also not a good plan to get someone to talk to you]).
Moral of my
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
We'll see who's laughing when my geek is their boss
I'm a dork. I know it. You know it. Just embrace it, ok?
If you didn't guess, Blog Prompt Numero Tres is "being dorky." Why? Stop being impatient and read.
If I meet a guy and he isn't dorky, it's not gonna happen. And you may say "Well, everyone is a bit geeky from time to time..." and my response to that is "Exactly!"
When meeting someone, within the first half hour of knowing someone, I need to know that they have a dweeby side. Within two minutes is no good: that's way too "different." More than two hours, also no good: you're tring to make a suave first impression.
And why is dorkiness an important part of a relationship? Because.
Everyone is silly and open nerdiness is a sign of being comfortable in one's own skin. That's why.
The Dorky Things I Adore
Vintage Ts.
Frank Sinatra.
Purposely bad dancers.
A guy who can pull off Chucks in a tux.
Old school cartoons.
Reading.
Super heroes.
That's just a small list. I could probably go on, but I tend to make too many lists.
And that's all I can think of for now. I thought this post would be longer, but my concentration is almost nonexistent right now.
If you didn't guess, Blog Prompt Numero Tres is "being dorky." Why? Stop being impatient and read.
If I meet a guy and he isn't dorky, it's not gonna happen. And you may say "Well, everyone is a bit geeky from time to time..." and my response to that is "Exactly!"
When meeting someone, within the first half hour of knowing someone, I need to know that they have a dweeby side. Within two minutes is no good: that's way too "different." More than two hours, also no good: you're tring to make a suave first impression.
And why is dorkiness an important part of a relationship? Because.
Everyone is silly and open nerdiness is a sign of being comfortable in one's own skin. That's why.
The Dorky Things I Adore
Vintage Ts.
Frank Sinatra.
Purposely bad dancers.
A guy who can pull off Chucks in a tux.
Old school cartoons.
Reading.
Super heroes.
That's just a small list. I could probably go on, but I tend to make too many lists.
And that's all I can think of for now. I thought this post would be longer, but my concentration is almost nonexistent right now.
Friday, April 1, 2011
You could put the ring up on my middle finger
Prompt #2: My Ultimate Breakup Mixtape.
I believe music is one of the top remedies for a bad (or not so bad) breakup, because it's good to know that someone else knows how you feel. My mixtape (yes, actually, I do have one [yes, I know, I am cool]) highlights the three main stages of recovery for a broken heart. I don't feel like expounding anymore on this, mostly because I'll expound on some or all of the songs. I haven't decided yet.
Stage One: Sadness- Everyone's been in at least one relationship where they bawled their eyes out for days, maybe even weeks. I see that as totally healthy. Because even if it ended well, it's still an end to something important in your life, and sometimes the only way to accept it is to be sad.
1. Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. This is an awfully depressing one to start out with but it gets the point across that you're not alone, that everyone has had some emotional breakups and that you'll get through it.
2. Another Lonely Day by Ben Harper. I like this one because it says "it wouldn't have worked out any way," which is something we always tell ourselves, even if we don't believe it.
3. Breakable by Ingrid Michaelson. This one doesn't sound very sad, but if you know the lyrics you know why it's on my playlist. Once again, it tells how everyone can break, no matter what they do to prevent it.
4. Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. I like this one because it's one of those "Sing as loud and emotionally as you can while driving in your car by yourself" songs. And sometimes that's just what I need to do when a guy broke my heart.
5. Nothing Better by The Postal Service. This song is on the edge of sadness and the next stage. It's kind of an angry sadness.
6. Goodbye to You by Michelle Branch. Again, a song you can sing along to. This song has gotten me through a lot. End of story.
Stage Two: Rage- This is the time to take out your anger on whoever broke your heart and wasted your time. Because really, what made either one of you think that they deserved someone as good as you??
7. This Bitter Pill by Dashboard Confessional. This song can in no way be mistaken for a love song to the person it's sung to. If someone were to sing it to me, I'd know that I wasn't well liked.
8. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) by the Plain White Ts. I was going to put one of the lyrics right here but I couldn't decide which one. Because each of them could be the best thing to say to your ex (but probably shouldn't).
9. Revenge is Sweeter (Than You Ever Were) by The Veronicas. This one's great because everyone wants to give their bf/gf the benefit of the doubt. And then you find out the truth (about anything: cheating, money, habits, the past) and you're like "What the heck? That was obviously more important to you. Thanks for telling me."
10. Kerosene by Miranda Lambert. Because you can put everything you have into a relationship, but sometimes the results are negative. Also, "you can't hate someone who's dead" is great, because most of my exes are dead to me (or close).
11. Fighter by Christina Aguilera. A grateful hate song. Every ex you have is just another lesson that you can learn from.
Stage Three: Self Empowerment- In order to find someone new, you have to find the ability to live for yourself again. And to do that, you have to be able to pick yourself up and think you're the shiz.
12. I Will Survive by Cake. This one may be hard to find, but it's great. If you can't find it, go for the classic by Gloria Gaynor. Works the same. Either way, it's a good mood lifter.
13. With a Little Help from My Friends by Joe Anderson or the Beatles. Don't forget about your friends. They should always be there to help out, and if they're not, they're probably not friends. Friends are my number one breakup remedy. (note: single ones tend to be better)
14. Survivor by Destiny's Child. A "I don't need you because I'm amazing" song. Enough said, ya hear?
15. Stronger by Britney Spears. I think the title says it all. Also included, because I used to love this music video, way back in the day.
16. Goodbye to You by The Veronicas. Unlike the "Goodbye to You" in the Sadness list, this one is extremely happy. Which, of course, is needed.
17. Single Ladies remix by Nicki Minaj. So the original will do just fine if you can't find this one, but I suggest you search high and low for this one. Why? Because it's got most of the original in it, plus the absurdity that is Nicki. Obviously.
18. Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles. The finale that kind of wraps it all up. It needs no explanation.
I hope you found that helpful. But you probably didn't.
I believe music is one of the top remedies for a bad (or not so bad) breakup, because it's good to know that someone else knows how you feel. My mixtape (yes, actually, I do have one [yes, I know, I am cool]) highlights the three main stages of recovery for a broken heart. I don't feel like expounding anymore on this, mostly because I'll expound on some or all of the songs. I haven't decided yet.
Stage One: Sadness- Everyone's been in at least one relationship where they bawled their eyes out for days, maybe even weeks. I see that as totally healthy. Because even if it ended well, it's still an end to something important in your life, and sometimes the only way to accept it is to be sad.
1. Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. This is an awfully depressing one to start out with but it gets the point across that you're not alone, that everyone has had some emotional breakups and that you'll get through it.
2. Another Lonely Day by Ben Harper. I like this one because it says "it wouldn't have worked out any way," which is something we always tell ourselves, even if we don't believe it.
3. Breakable by Ingrid Michaelson. This one doesn't sound very sad, but if you know the lyrics you know why it's on my playlist. Once again, it tells how everyone can break, no matter what they do to prevent it.
4. Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. I like this one because it's one of those "Sing as loud and emotionally as you can while driving in your car by yourself" songs. And sometimes that's just what I need to do when a guy broke my heart.
5. Nothing Better by The Postal Service. This song is on the edge of sadness and the next stage. It's kind of an angry sadness.
6. Goodbye to You by Michelle Branch. Again, a song you can sing along to. This song has gotten me through a lot. End of story.
Stage Two: Rage- This is the time to take out your anger on whoever broke your heart and wasted your time. Because really, what made either one of you think that they deserved someone as good as you??
7. This Bitter Pill by Dashboard Confessional. This song can in no way be mistaken for a love song to the person it's sung to. If someone were to sing it to me, I'd know that I wasn't well liked.
8. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) by the Plain White Ts. I was going to put one of the lyrics right here but I couldn't decide which one. Because each of them could be the best thing to say to your ex (but probably shouldn't).
9. Revenge is Sweeter (Than You Ever Were) by The Veronicas. This one's great because everyone wants to give their bf/gf the benefit of the doubt. And then you find out the truth (about anything: cheating, money, habits, the past) and you're like "What the heck? That was obviously more important to you. Thanks for telling me."
10. Kerosene by Miranda Lambert. Because you can put everything you have into a relationship, but sometimes the results are negative. Also, "you can't hate someone who's dead" is great, because most of my exes are dead to me (or close).
11. Fighter by Christina Aguilera. A grateful hate song. Every ex you have is just another lesson that you can learn from.
Stage Three: Self Empowerment- In order to find someone new, you have to find the ability to live for yourself again. And to do that, you have to be able to pick yourself up and think you're the shiz.
12. I Will Survive by Cake. This one may be hard to find, but it's great. If you can't find it, go for the classic by Gloria Gaynor. Works the same. Either way, it's a good mood lifter.
13. With a Little Help from My Friends by Joe Anderson or the Beatles. Don't forget about your friends. They should always be there to help out, and if they're not, they're probably not friends. Friends are my number one breakup remedy. (note: single ones tend to be better)
14. Survivor by Destiny's Child. A "I don't need you because I'm amazing" song. Enough said, ya hear?
15. Stronger by Britney Spears. I think the title says it all. Also included, because I used to love this music video, way back in the day.
16. Goodbye to You by The Veronicas. Unlike the "Goodbye to You" in the Sadness list, this one is extremely happy. Which, of course, is needed.
17. Single Ladies remix by Nicki Minaj. So the original will do just fine if you can't find this one, but I suggest you search high and low for this one. Why? Because it's got most of the original in it, plus the absurdity that is Nicki. Obviously.
18. Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles. The finale that kind of wraps it all up. It needs no explanation.
I hope you found that helpful. But you probably didn't.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
These shoes rule. These shoes suck!
My first blog using my NewSuperCoolBlogBasket is about.... drumroll, please: Shoes. And I know, you're probably thinking, what the hello do shoes have to do with dating? Well, read on and you'll find out, my little impatient ones.
This is one of the weirdest blog prompts I came up with, but a good one nonetheless, because I developed a theory, as you will come to find out.
A man's shoes say a lot about him. They can usually tell you the kind of guy you're dealing with, based on his "everyday" footwear (what he would wear on a leisurely trip to the grocery store, or say, the post office). The following lists the shoe type and what you might find out about the fellow.
Dirty work boots- This man is obviously a hard worker. He works hard all day & can probably doesn't take the time to relax until well after dinnertime. You can usually count on him to bring home a good amount of bacon.
Pristine work boots- This is one I'd run from. If he's sporting Timberlands that are debris free, I can guarantee he doesn't know what a tough job is but he swears up and down that he sweats all day. Probably because he stands in front of the fry dump all day.
Sneakers- Although I should have a good opinion about a guy wearing his Nikes out, I don't. Sneakers should only be worn in the gym/during physical fitness, around the house for some reason, or if your job requires it. Maybe I just think this because I have some unexplainable vendetta against sneakers. But if you do see a guy wearing them, I can't really help you but to advise you to take cues from his other clothing and the amount of visible sweat.
Cowboy boots- One of my favorites because there are two extremes concerning cowboy boots. To make sure that he's an authentic cowboy (or close enough to not worry), ask yourself two questions: 1.) Are they dirty or rather scuffed? 2.) Are they an unnatural color of leather (anything not brown or blackish)? If you answered yes to the first and no to the second, proceed with slight caution. I only say that because you must once again read the clues given by the rest of his attire and accessories. Examples: Are his jeans naturally worn looking? Good sign. Does he have a belt buckle the size of a dinner plate that reads "Bodacious?" Bad sign. Are there spurs on his boots that jingle every time he walks and reflect all light that hits them? Bad sign.
Converse- This guy is a dork. Don't even argue with some excuse like "He's got the body of a Greek god! He models for Abercrombie!" I promise you: he's a dork. Which, in my opinion, is a good thing. He's probably fun to be around and likes to be comfortable. Like all shoes, check the wear-n-tear. If the white is actually WHITE, this guy is most likely trying too hard. That is, unless they're new shoes. You might want to ask to see if that's the case. Also, take note of the color. If they're classic black and white, he's down to earth. If they're any other color, he might like the classics, just his way.
Skate shoes- You know the ones I'm talking about. Etnies, DC, and the like. As much as I love a skaterboy, that's not someone I would want to settle down with. A guy who always wears skate shoes probably hasn't reached a good level of maturity. Check back in three years. If he's still wearin' 'em, just give up.
Sandals- Truthfully, I can dig when a guy wears sandals. But every day might be over kill. Unless you live on a beach. Which my town is not, so there's no excuse. When it is okay to wear sandals: Barbecues, before and after swimming, around the house, etc. To paraphrase something Demetri Martin says, you don't want to get chased in flipflops. So, if a guy does wear them constantly, he may be impractical. Also, most guys' feet are not pretty, so take note of this. Also, does he seem to be a hippie? This is one exception that you can take or leave.
I have a few more, but this post has gotten kind of long and I'm running out of original, non-repetitive things to say, so I'll close now.
Yes.
This is one of the weirdest blog prompts I came up with, but a good one nonetheless, because I developed a theory, as you will come to find out.
A man's shoes say a lot about him. They can usually tell you the kind of guy you're dealing with, based on his "everyday" footwear (what he would wear on a leisurely trip to the grocery store, or say, the post office). The following lists the shoe type and what you might find out about the fellow.
Dirty work boots- This man is obviously a hard worker. He works hard all day & can probably doesn't take the time to relax until well after dinnertime. You can usually count on him to bring home a good amount of bacon.
Pristine work boots- This is one I'd run from. If he's sporting Timberlands that are debris free, I can guarantee he doesn't know what a tough job is but he swears up and down that he sweats all day. Probably because he stands in front of the fry dump all day.
Sneakers- Although I should have a good opinion about a guy wearing his Nikes out, I don't. Sneakers should only be worn in the gym/during physical fitness, around the house for some reason, or if your job requires it. Maybe I just think this because I have some unexplainable vendetta against sneakers. But if you do see a guy wearing them, I can't really help you but to advise you to take cues from his other clothing and the amount of visible sweat.
Cowboy boots- One of my favorites because there are two extremes concerning cowboy boots. To make sure that he's an authentic cowboy (or close enough to not worry), ask yourself two questions: 1.) Are they dirty or rather scuffed? 2.) Are they an unnatural color of leather (anything not brown or blackish)? If you answered yes to the first and no to the second, proceed with slight caution. I only say that because you must once again read the clues given by the rest of his attire and accessories. Examples: Are his jeans naturally worn looking? Good sign. Does he have a belt buckle the size of a dinner plate that reads "Bodacious?" Bad sign. Are there spurs on his boots that jingle every time he walks and reflect all light that hits them? Bad sign.
Converse- This guy is a dork. Don't even argue with some excuse like "He's got the body of a Greek god! He models for Abercrombie!" I promise you: he's a dork. Which, in my opinion, is a good thing. He's probably fun to be around and likes to be comfortable. Like all shoes, check the wear-n-tear. If the white is actually WHITE, this guy is most likely trying too hard. That is, unless they're new shoes. You might want to ask to see if that's the case. Also, take note of the color. If they're classic black and white, he's down to earth. If they're any other color, he might like the classics, just his way.
Skate shoes- You know the ones I'm talking about. Etnies, DC, and the like. As much as I love a skaterboy, that's not someone I would want to settle down with. A guy who always wears skate shoes probably hasn't reached a good level of maturity. Check back in three years. If he's still wearin' 'em, just give up.
Sandals- Truthfully, I can dig when a guy wears sandals. But every day might be over kill. Unless you live on a beach. Which my town is not, so there's no excuse. When it is okay to wear sandals: Barbecues, before and after swimming, around the house, etc. To paraphrase something Demetri Martin says, you don't want to get chased in flipflops. So, if a guy does wear them constantly, he may be impractical. Also, most guys' feet are not pretty, so take note of this. Also, does he seem to be a hippie? This is one exception that you can take or leave.
I have a few more, but this post has gotten kind of long and I'm running out of original, non-repetitive things to say, so I'll close now.
Yes.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
'Cause you like me too much and I like you
So, the other day, I was feeling creative. I try to be more creative, more often, but that doesn't happen.
So, what did I do with my creativity? Well, hold on and I'll tell you. Wait for it... Wait for it... I made a Blog Prompt Jar Box Basket. To sum it up, it's a bunch of ideas for me to blog about.
It took forever. Okay, a couple hours. It would have been easier if I didn't stick to one theme. What is that theme, you ask. Love, romance, dating, relationships. All that junk. And you're probably thinking "What the hell does she know about any of that? And if she does know anything, it's obviously the wrong stuff, because she's single. Who wants to hear about relationships and dating advice from someone who can't keep a boyfriend?" Well, that's kinda mean, dontcha think? I don't really consider it to be advice. I consider what I say to be opinions and what I've learned about the L word in the almost 22 years I've been alive. And if you don't want to read about what I have to say, you must be confused because you're reading a blog...
In other news, it's my best friend's day of birth. She's 20 now. Wow. That makes me feel old, even though she's only two years younger than me. I can't believe we're grown-ups now. How does this happen??
And because she's my best friend, she'll probably read this, so I thought I'd post the most flattering picture of us. And just so you know, BEEF, I love you. You're the best friend I could ever ask for. That's the corniest I'm going to be.
Monday, March 21, 2011
I can feel his approach like the fire in my blood
Recently, I was asked what I'm "looking for in a man." I didn't really know what to say besides the generic stuff like "good sense of humor" and "reliable" and "hasn't done drugs in the last six years." Why? Because I never really took the time to think on it that much. I mean, don't get me wrong: I had ideas and guidelines, but never had the specifics for my Perfect Man. So, if the person who asked reads this, here ya go. To all others who read this, keep an eye out for this guy and let me know where he is. Like all my lists, these are in no particular order.
- Someone who REALLY loves soup, because that's my specialty.
- Someone who can cook for himself if necessary, and who wouldn't mind cooking for me as well from time to time.
- Someone who I can look up to, literally and figuratively.
- Someone who loves and respects his mother but doesn't have to run to her for every tiny thing.
- Someone who can understand that sometimes I can be a little irrational but can totally tolerate it.
- Someone who can bear my humor with all of its corny and sarcastic glory.
- Someone who finds my quirks endearing and has a few of his own.
- Someone who knows what they want in life even though I'm still working on that myself.
- Someone who's not embarrassed when I (poorly) break out into song and might even join in. Unless he knows it's a powerful solo meant for only one voice.
- Someone who's not afraid of flaws.
- Someone who loves my friends a little less than I do and has friends that I can love as well.
- Someone who can appreciate my eccentric taste in fashion and decorating styles.
- Someone who sleeps on the left side of the bed or is willing to because I will not.
- Someone who doesn't like blankets or likes having their own because I need to be wrapped up in my own.
- Someone who doesn't care that I can't take a serious photo to save my life.
- Someone who's a lefty, although this isn't an absolute necessity.
- Someone who doesn't mind me correcting their grammar or who already has adequate grammar and rarely (or never) needs corrected.
- Someone who I can make fun of and who can make fun of me (to an extent).
- Someone who knows that when I say I hate surprises, I'm lying a little.
- Someone who needs a menagerie of animals (and maybe a child or two) in their life.
- Someone who doesn't care that I love all (or most) things Disney.
- Someone who wouldn't mind living in an Airstream trailer for a few years while we travel around the U.S.
- Someone who assists me in finding happiness, no matter where or what it might be.
- Someone who embraces my argumentative side.
- Someone who is always ready with a clever (but not hurtful) comeback.
- Someone who will simultaneously groan at and applaud my punniness.
- Someone who will not be offended by me, especially when that's what I want.
- Someone who understands I am a woman and realizes that it's very likely that I'll be in a pretty pissy mood every 28ish days.
- Someone who can accept that I have different levels of beauty from day to day or someone who can easily disguise their disgust.
- Someone who can respect that sweatpants are a staple part of my existence.
- Someone who can eat sushi one day and then something artery clogging the next.
- Someone who knows it's imperative that I have seventy different shampoos in the shower and that he can use the cheapo bulk ones or get his own.
- Someone who doesn't care if I don't shave my legs every day because sometimes I don't care and/or I'm lazy.
- Someone who knows that the Chapstik/lip balm in the check-out lane at Walmart is targeted at me and I must buy one.
- Someone who is always in search of new music. Or old music he's never heard.
- Someone who can accept my love of almost all beverages and sometimes humor it.
- Someone who loves the outdoors and can force me outside.
- Someone who doesn't snore. Plain and simple.
- Someone who can go out with the guys when he needs to and not worry about me surviving without him for a short amount of time (hint: I will).
- Someone who knows I need time for me every so often.
- Someone who will text me something stupid, even if I'm sitting right next to him.
- Someone who doesn't mind that I tend to think waaay too much.
- Someone who accepts my unconventional sleeping habits and schedules.
- Most of all, someone who can be my best friend.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
You want somebody, just anybody to lay their hands on your soul tonight
Being raised Mormon and around Mormons really skews someone's perspective of what success is. That may be kind of harsh, but I feel it's the truth, and if you know me at all, you'd know I have this thing where I like the truth.
You may be thinking "Well why do you say that, Marissa?" (but you're probably not because you know that I'm going to tell you anyway).
Mormons and their view of love and marriage is nuts. I'm just now coming to see this, even though I sometimes still find myself with the same views.
I've met so many people who need to find love. Not want, but need. Sometimes we can't distinguish the difference.
It's put into our heads that: (in no particular order)
We need to date and date and date frantically to find The One.
When dating someone exclusively (there's actually no other way to date someone in Mormonese), you must rush the relationship to the point of either uncomfortability or instant love.
When/if you do fall in love, you need to speed along and get engaged as soon as possible.
When/if you become engaged, the engagement must be less than six months.
If you are engaged while you are still in college, you should absolutely get married in college because waiting until you're ready to actually start a life is completely irresponsible.
The less time you spend getting to know the person you are dating/engaged to, the better.
You should and must date as many people as possible, even if you have no interest in marrying them.
Meeting and starting to date someone on the same day is totally acceptable.
Getting engaged to someone you aren't even dating is even more acceptable.
On the first date, you should move way too fast and be way too romantic.
It is not possible to be friends with people of the opposite sex unless you a) are in a relationship already, b) have already tried dating them, c) have been denied by them, d) are currently interested in said person, or e) are interested in someone else (probably a mutual friend).
You cannot date a friend's ex, no matter how briefly they were together.
Always introduce a romantic interest to your parents as soon as you can, that way, you don't have to do it later.
If you're not married or in love or engaged AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, you've failed.
This isn't all I've come up with but I can't remember the rest.
Just so you know, I do still think the same way about some of those things. I'm constantly suggesting to others how to act in the name of love or "love." My best friend is constantly pointing out that not everyone was raised Mormon.
And I have friends who have done one or more of the above. To those friends who read this by chance: I don't want you to be offended, even though you probably are anyways
You may be thinking "Well why do you say that, Marissa?" (but you're probably not because you know that I'm going to tell you anyway).
Mormons and their view of love and marriage is nuts. I'm just now coming to see this, even though I sometimes still find myself with the same views.
I've met so many people who need to find love. Not want, but need. Sometimes we can't distinguish the difference.
It's put into our heads that: (in no particular order)
We need to date and date and date frantically to find The One.
When dating someone exclusively (there's actually no other way to date someone in Mormonese), you must rush the relationship to the point of either uncomfortability or instant love.
When/if you do fall in love, you need to speed along and get engaged as soon as possible.
When/if you become engaged, the engagement must be less than six months.
If you are engaged while you are still in college, you should absolutely get married in college because waiting until you're ready to actually start a life is completely irresponsible.
The less time you spend getting to know the person you are dating/engaged to, the better.
You should and must date as many people as possible, even if you have no interest in marrying them.
Meeting and starting to date someone on the same day is totally acceptable.
Getting engaged to someone you aren't even dating is even more acceptable.
On the first date, you should move way too fast and be way too romantic.
It is not possible to be friends with people of the opposite sex unless you a) are in a relationship already, b) have already tried dating them, c) have been denied by them, d) are currently interested in said person, or e) are interested in someone else (probably a mutual friend).
You cannot date a friend's ex, no matter how briefly they were together.
Always introduce a romantic interest to your parents as soon as you can, that way, you don't have to do it later.
If you're not married or in love or engaged AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, you've failed.
This isn't all I've come up with but I can't remember the rest.
Just so you know, I do still think the same way about some of those things. I'm constantly suggesting to others how to act in the name of love or "love." My best friend is constantly pointing out that not everyone was raised Mormon.
And I have friends who have done one or more of the above. To those friends who read this by chance: I don't want you to be offended, even though you probably are anyways
Monday, March 14, 2011
He gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club.
I wanted to make this post very honest and angry and blunt. But I can't do that. I wanted to call out the people who have been the most artificial and self-righteous. But I won't. I wanted to let words that have been building up for weeks rush out the only way they could. But they can't. I wanted people to read this and have some kind of revelation (even a minuscule one) and change the way they treat me and the way they treat themselves. But they wouldn't.
I can't because my ire is based on the ignorance of others. Even if they believe that they know better, they don't know it all. Even if they think they do. And I don't want to waste too much time on the people who wouldn't waste any on me.
I won't because that wouldn't be fair to them. Just because only a few people read this, it doesn't mean that no one does. And to "publically" accost someone just isn't as classy as I want to be.
They can't because what I would want to say just won't orchestrate itself in any way that would make sense. If you've ever been this irritated, you would know how I feel.
They wouldn't because people don't like to be told that they're wrong. I know. I'm a person too, in case you've forgotten.
This post wasn't meant to benefit anyone. And if I had to say it was, I'd say it was for me. Because getting my feelings out there is what I have to do sometimes. Even if they're not all that specific.
I can't because my ire is based on the ignorance of others. Even if they believe that they know better, they don't know it all. Even if they think they do. And I don't want to waste too much time on the people who wouldn't waste any on me.
I won't because that wouldn't be fair to them. Just because only a few people read this, it doesn't mean that no one does. And to "publically" accost someone just isn't as classy as I want to be.
They can't because what I would want to say just won't orchestrate itself in any way that would make sense. If you've ever been this irritated, you would know how I feel.
They wouldn't because people don't like to be told that they're wrong. I know. I'm a person too, in case you've forgotten.
This post wasn't meant to benefit anyone. And if I had to say it was, I'd say it was for me. Because getting my feelings out there is what I have to do sometimes. Even if they're not all that specific.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
And I'm on my way to believing
"Single" is such an ugly word. I hate that that's a relationship status, that's how people categorize their dating situation, or what have you. Just because I'm "single," that doesn't mean I'm alone. Do you have any idea how many people in the world who are my age are single? Yeh, I don't really either, but I imagine it's a lot.
And so what if I don't have my relationship status listed on my Facebook page? If you're really my friend, you would know. And if you didn't know, you would probably ask or find out from someone who does know. I would prefer "devotionally independent." Or simply "NOT in a relationship."
And don't get me started on "relationship status." Too late. "Status" is defined as "the state or condition of affairs" (ironic, right?). So, in my humble opinion, a suitable status would be "happy" or "miserable" or "apathetic." "Single" is the circumstance or definition of your relationship. Also, single doesn't even count as a relationship, unless you're referring to a relationship with yourself, which has it's own spectrum of mental health. Facebook should really be saying "This is where I am in the department of love:" and then have a fill-in-the-blank OR a drop-down panel that consists of more than just "single," "in a relationship," "engaged," "married," "it's complicated" "in an open relationship," "widowed," "separated," "divorced," and "in a civil partnership." I think they also need to include "nunya" and "sleeping around," plus a couple others.
And since you're reading this, it probably means you care about my life. So, in case you're unaware of my "relationship status" (I'm still trying to come up with something that sounds remotely official), let me clarify for you: I'm single and happy. Not happy because I'm single. Not single because it makes me happy. Just single AND happy in two different contexts. They don't go hand in hand (all the time). I could still be happy in a relationship. I could still be single and miserable. But for now I am single and happy.
Just so you know.
And so what if I don't have my relationship status listed on my Facebook page? If you're really my friend, you would know. And if you didn't know, you would probably ask or find out from someone who does know. I would prefer "devotionally independent." Or simply "NOT in a relationship."
And don't get me started on "relationship status." Too late. "Status" is defined as "the state or condition of affairs" (ironic, right?). So, in my humble opinion, a suitable status would be "happy" or "miserable" or "apathetic." "Single" is the circumstance or definition of your relationship. Also, single doesn't even count as a relationship, unless you're referring to a relationship with yourself, which has it's own spectrum of mental health. Facebook should really be saying "This is where I am in the department of love:" and then have a fill-in-the-blank OR a drop-down panel that consists of more than just "single," "in a relationship," "engaged," "married," "it's complicated" "in an open relationship," "widowed," "separated," "divorced," and "in a civil partnership." I think they also need to include "nunya" and "sleeping around," plus a couple others.
And since you're reading this, it probably means you care about my life. So, in case you're unaware of my "relationship status" (I'm still trying to come up with something that sounds remotely official), let me clarify for you: I'm single and happy. Not happy because I'm single. Not single because it makes me happy. Just single AND happy in two different contexts. They don't go hand in hand (all the time). I could still be happy in a relationship. I could still be single and miserable. But for now I am single and happy.
Just so you know.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Now's your moment, floating in a blue lagoon
I've kissed 8 guys. To me, that seems like a lot, but according to some gum commercial, the average person has 28 first kisses. Personally, I want to know who they've been polling, and I think they should have a follow up question that asks how many times they've been in love or thought they were in love.
I'd like to address the guys from my past kisses. Not to critique them on how well or poorly they smooch, but to just tell them what I think. Because, I may be old fashioned, but a kiss does mean something, especially if it occurred while both parties were sober (which, to the best of my knowledge, all of mine fall into that category). And just an FYI, I'm not going to use their names, but I will address them chronologically.
The First- First, let me say that I can't believe, of the two of us, you got married first. That came as a pretty big shock, and to not only me. But moreover, you will always have a place somewhere near my heart. Maybe the spleen. I know I hate you a lot. I probably spend way too much time not liking you, and not enough time remembering the good times we had in the nine months (total) that we were together in high school. Because looking back, the bad doesn't really outweigh the good, nor vice versa. And there's not really a balance of the two. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad you exist.
The Sweetheart- Out of all of them, I was hoping you were The One the most. Sorry that didn't work out. I want to be bitter towards you, upset that you found love elsewhere, rueful that I ever talked to you. But that's just not fair to you. I'm the one that broke it off after you'd been nothing but loyal for two years (like you really had a choice). I'm the one who couldn't make up my mind and toyed with your heart. Sorry about all that. I am happy for you, I really am. It hurts that I let you go, but in all honesty, I would have been a fool not to. You came back as a person I can't recognize, and I know I've changed more than I can realize. You're not my fairytale ending and I'm coming to see that. You'll always be my first love, and as I'm coming to learn, love can change from cutesy and romantic to appreciative and respectable. Just don't rub your happiness in my face. I don't want to hear about how the two of you first said "I love you" and all that nonsense. Oh, and don't invite me to your impending wedding (because, let's face it: you're an RM; you're getting married ASAP). Some of us aren't so successful with the affairs of the heart.
The NCMO- You scared the hell out of me (or based on the aftermath concerning my thoughts on religion, perhaps you scared it into me). I had just started to trust humans again and then you come along and force me to makeout with you. I don't know how they do things at BYU, but that's not how things happen around here. You are so lucky that my friend didn't bash your absurd noggin with her heavy-duty flashlight, because really, I was ready to let her. And maybe I should be saying these things on a blog, but do you really think I care?
The Underdog- I know that term is a little more negative than I want it to be, but I couldn't think of a better word to describe our relationship. I never really knew if you would come out on top or not. I mean, you had people rooting for you, but you just didn't have the history. That's just how it goes sometimes. You were always a great friend to me, always there when I needed someone to shamelessly flirt with, or just talk about random stuff like "Do you think a dolphin is slippery if it's not wet?" Too bad things couldn't have worked out with us. We would have been one heck of a pair. I wish you well with all your future conquests and I hope your wife knows how lucky she is to have you. It's a shame that when she finally decided she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't let us talk. I always have something I want to tell you (like how much of a clown your brother is or how there's a funny video of a panda that you need to see) but I have to suppress it.
The One Night Stand- So, that's not really what you were, but it really only was one night. Maybe it was the fact that I had a crush on you freshmen year and then you moved away, never to be seen again. Or that I was incredibly lonely. Or that I was feeling like nothing really mattered. Or the mix of all three. Don't get me wrong. I was glad I got to catch up with you after four years or so. I actually had a blast walking around the golf course in the middle of the night. But when we kissed... I can honestly say you're the closest one to meaning absolutely nothing. You should be proud.
The Jailbait- That was a joke between us. Not that we joke anymore. Or talk. Or even acknowledge the other's existence. That's a lie. I mention you in passing from time to time. And, surprisingly, it's usually good stuff. We used to think it was funny, how I was "robbing the cradle" even though you were technically "legal." Those were good times. I had fun with you, I promise. I wish you didn't need to hate me. You were great to talk to, sometimes. Mostly the times when you weren't being cocky. And I know you don't want to believe it, but I never cheated on you. But if you consider me talking to guys cheating, then I did. All the time. Multiple times a day. I apologize for having guy friends (just kidding, I'm not sorry). Maybe one day we can have a reconcilliation. I doubt it, but I'm crossing my fingers.
The Rebound- I knew that's what you were and I'm pretty certain you knew it too. It started from me randomly saying "Wanna make out?" while we were both bored. I'm happy you didn't take me up on that. Otherwise, you might not have been there for me during a pretty bad fight with an ex and I thank you for that. I still think it's funny that your way of consoling me was to offer a kiss. It's unfortunate we didn't try to start something under different circumstances. I still have a kindergarten crush on you.
The Inmate- You kind of came out of nowhere. A blast from the past that I'd never really considered. I didn't really plan on falling for you as hard as I did. I wish I could know where we might have ended up if I stuck it out while you were in the big house. I'm sorry I strung you along during the lengthy time it took me to make a decision about what I was going to do about you. In the end, I figured it's not fair to either of us if you're living the rest of your life making up for the lies and I'm unable to trust you. And reading that last sentence again makes me feel like a jerk, but I just need to be honest. You know how I am.
So there's all eight. Before I started typing the statements, I really didn't know what I was going to say. But they all seem like the best thing I could possibly say, likely because of their candidness. I'm sorry if some of it comes out a little too frank. But I've never been one to beat around the bush.
Unless Michael Jackson is playing and there's a shrub in my way.
Snaps to anyone who thought that was humorous.
I'd like to address the guys from my past kisses. Not to critique them on how well or poorly they smooch, but to just tell them what I think. Because, I may be old fashioned, but a kiss does mean something, especially if it occurred while both parties were sober (which, to the best of my knowledge, all of mine fall into that category). And just an FYI, I'm not going to use their names, but I will address them chronologically.
The First- First, let me say that I can't believe, of the two of us, you got married first. That came as a pretty big shock, and to not only me. But moreover, you will always have a place somewhere near my heart. Maybe the spleen. I know I hate you a lot. I probably spend way too much time not liking you, and not enough time remembering the good times we had in the nine months (total) that we were together in high school. Because looking back, the bad doesn't really outweigh the good, nor vice versa. And there's not really a balance of the two. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad you exist.
The Sweetheart- Out of all of them, I was hoping you were The One the most. Sorry that didn't work out. I want to be bitter towards you, upset that you found love elsewhere, rueful that I ever talked to you. But that's just not fair to you. I'm the one that broke it off after you'd been nothing but loyal for two years (like you really had a choice). I'm the one who couldn't make up my mind and toyed with your heart. Sorry about all that. I am happy for you, I really am. It hurts that I let you go, but in all honesty, I would have been a fool not to. You came back as a person I can't recognize, and I know I've changed more than I can realize. You're not my fairytale ending and I'm coming to see that. You'll always be my first love, and as I'm coming to learn, love can change from cutesy and romantic to appreciative and respectable. Just don't rub your happiness in my face. I don't want to hear about how the two of you first said "I love you" and all that nonsense. Oh, and don't invite me to your impending wedding (because, let's face it: you're an RM; you're getting married ASAP). Some of us aren't so successful with the affairs of the heart.
The NCMO- You scared the hell out of me (or based on the aftermath concerning my thoughts on religion, perhaps you scared it into me). I had just started to trust humans again and then you come along and force me to makeout with you. I don't know how they do things at BYU, but that's not how things happen around here. You are so lucky that my friend didn't bash your absurd noggin with her heavy-duty flashlight, because really, I was ready to let her. And maybe I should be saying these things on a blog, but do you really think I care?
The Underdog- I know that term is a little more negative than I want it to be, but I couldn't think of a better word to describe our relationship. I never really knew if you would come out on top or not. I mean, you had people rooting for you, but you just didn't have the history. That's just how it goes sometimes. You were always a great friend to me, always there when I needed someone to shamelessly flirt with, or just talk about random stuff like "Do you think a dolphin is slippery if it's not wet?" Too bad things couldn't have worked out with us. We would have been one heck of a pair. I wish you well with all your future conquests and I hope your wife knows how lucky she is to have you. It's a shame that when she finally decided she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't let us talk. I always have something I want to tell you (like how much of a clown your brother is or how there's a funny video of a panda that you need to see) but I have to suppress it.
The One Night Stand- So, that's not really what you were, but it really only was one night. Maybe it was the fact that I had a crush on you freshmen year and then you moved away, never to be seen again. Or that I was incredibly lonely. Or that I was feeling like nothing really mattered. Or the mix of all three. Don't get me wrong. I was glad I got to catch up with you after four years or so. I actually had a blast walking around the golf course in the middle of the night. But when we kissed... I can honestly say you're the closest one to meaning absolutely nothing. You should be proud.
The Jailbait- That was a joke between us. Not that we joke anymore. Or talk. Or even acknowledge the other's existence. That's a lie. I mention you in passing from time to time. And, surprisingly, it's usually good stuff. We used to think it was funny, how I was "robbing the cradle" even though you were technically "legal." Those were good times. I had fun with you, I promise. I wish you didn't need to hate me. You were great to talk to, sometimes. Mostly the times when you weren't being cocky. And I know you don't want to believe it, but I never cheated on you. But if you consider me talking to guys cheating, then I did. All the time. Multiple times a day. I apologize for having guy friends (just kidding, I'm not sorry). Maybe one day we can have a reconcilliation. I doubt it, but I'm crossing my fingers.
The Rebound- I knew that's what you were and I'm pretty certain you knew it too. It started from me randomly saying "Wanna make out?" while we were both bored. I'm happy you didn't take me up on that. Otherwise, you might not have been there for me during a pretty bad fight with an ex and I thank you for that. I still think it's funny that your way of consoling me was to offer a kiss. It's unfortunate we didn't try to start something under different circumstances. I still have a kindergarten crush on you.
The Inmate- You kind of came out of nowhere. A blast from the past that I'd never really considered. I didn't really plan on falling for you as hard as I did. I wish I could know where we might have ended up if I stuck it out while you were in the big house. I'm sorry I strung you along during the lengthy time it took me to make a decision about what I was going to do about you. In the end, I figured it's not fair to either of us if you're living the rest of your life making up for the lies and I'm unable to trust you. And reading that last sentence again makes me feel like a jerk, but I just need to be honest. You know how I am.
So there's all eight. Before I started typing the statements, I really didn't know what I was going to say. But they all seem like the best thing I could possibly say, likely because of their candidness. I'm sorry if some of it comes out a little too frank. But I've never been one to beat around the bush.
Unless Michael Jackson is playing and there's a shrub in my way.
Snaps to anyone who thought that was humorous.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Sweeter as Fiction
My boyfriend is in jail.
I'm honestly not sure if I ever mentioned that on here.
This is not what I had planned. And if you really knew me, you would know that everything, including my spontaneity is planned.
Caleb has been in prison since our official one month anniversary. Great present, right? And since you probably don't know when that was, it was Sept 29th.
I know I'm not at fault, but I blame myself. It was the one day of that entire month that I was not with him and had not had the chance to call him and check in. Maybe if I would have talked to him, he wouldn't have been so irresponsible.
I'm going to tell you what I know about what happened, because I would be curious if I was an unbiased party reading this.
I was on my way to institute and got a quarter of the way there when I got this strange feeling that I shouldn't go. So I turned around and started towards his house. I called his mom and she said he wasn't in, but she'd tell him to call me as soon as he got home. So I figured he was working on his car at a garage that's just down the road. I got there but there was no one around his car, so I texted his sister, Casey, asking if she knew where he was. She never responded, so I ended up going to my Bestie's apartment and hanging out and being mopey because my boyfriend was AWOL. Well, about three hours later, Casey texted back and said that he was arrested and that she wanted to tell me in person but figured that would be a day or two and it was better for me know asap so I didn't think he was abandoning me.
I'm still not exactly sure what he did. Part of me wants to ask, but most of me doesn't even want to know. From what I pieced together from hearing his sister and other people, he was working on his car that day and normally, the owner of the garage would let him borrow some tools and what not and Caleb would pay him for any parts that Fred had laying around. They had an agreement of sorts. Well, apparently some stuff started to go missing and they figured it was Caleb. So, when he showed up, they called the cops. When the cops showed up, they found a few of the missing things in his trunk or something.
And I know this is me being kind of hopeful that maybe it wasn't so horrible, but I think he's taking the blame for someone else. My dad stopped by that garage one night (that's where we get our cars serviced and junk) to pick up his truck and he saw one of the mechanics walking among some of the cars, looking kind of suspect. And dad talked to Fred about the whole Caleb thing, asking if he should tell me to run. Fred said that he dropped the charges because this had been going on for a while, before Caleb even started coming to the shop. So, I know that means Caleb still had to have something to do with it, obviously, since his trunk had some evidence. But it does make me feel better that he's not the only one to blame.
And in case you're wondering Well, if the charges were dropped, why is he still in prison? Well, darlings, let me get to that. The only reason he's still in is because he broke probation. You see, the judicial system is kind of like an angry girlfriend. Everything is fine and dandy until you piss her off and then she brings back all the stupid stuff you've done in your life and punishes you for it.
Which is kind of what I did. I didn't go see him for the first two and half months he was there. I didn't even consider him to be my boyfriend. I didn't write him. I barely wanted to talk about him. And then I felt generous and went to the prison and got to see him through the bullet-proof glass and talk to him through a crappy phone. And three weeks ago, I got to actually hug him and hold his hand and kiss his inmate face.
I was going to end this differently, but I can't figure out what I want to say and what feels right. But then again, nothing really feels right anymore.
I'm honestly not sure if I ever mentioned that on here.
This is not what I had planned. And if you really knew me, you would know that everything, including my spontaneity is planned.
Caleb has been in prison since our official one month anniversary. Great present, right? And since you probably don't know when that was, it was Sept 29th.
I know I'm not at fault, but I blame myself. It was the one day of that entire month that I was not with him and had not had the chance to call him and check in. Maybe if I would have talked to him, he wouldn't have been so irresponsible.
I'm going to tell you what I know about what happened, because I would be curious if I was an unbiased party reading this.
I was on my way to institute and got a quarter of the way there when I got this strange feeling that I shouldn't go. So I turned around and started towards his house. I called his mom and she said he wasn't in, but she'd tell him to call me as soon as he got home. So I figured he was working on his car at a garage that's just down the road. I got there but there was no one around his car, so I texted his sister, Casey, asking if she knew where he was. She never responded, so I ended up going to my Bestie's apartment and hanging out and being mopey because my boyfriend was AWOL. Well, about three hours later, Casey texted back and said that he was arrested and that she wanted to tell me in person but figured that would be a day or two and it was better for me know asap so I didn't think he was abandoning me.
I'm still not exactly sure what he did. Part of me wants to ask, but most of me doesn't even want to know. From what I pieced together from hearing his sister and other people, he was working on his car that day and normally, the owner of the garage would let him borrow some tools and what not and Caleb would pay him for any parts that Fred had laying around. They had an agreement of sorts. Well, apparently some stuff started to go missing and they figured it was Caleb. So, when he showed up, they called the cops. When the cops showed up, they found a few of the missing things in his trunk or something.
And I know this is me being kind of hopeful that maybe it wasn't so horrible, but I think he's taking the blame for someone else. My dad stopped by that garage one night (that's where we get our cars serviced and junk) to pick up his truck and he saw one of the mechanics walking among some of the cars, looking kind of suspect. And dad talked to Fred about the whole Caleb thing, asking if he should tell me to run. Fred said that he dropped the charges because this had been going on for a while, before Caleb even started coming to the shop. So, I know that means Caleb still had to have something to do with it, obviously, since his trunk had some evidence. But it does make me feel better that he's not the only one to blame.
And in case you're wondering Well, if the charges were dropped, why is he still in prison? Well, darlings, let me get to that. The only reason he's still in is because he broke probation. You see, the judicial system is kind of like an angry girlfriend. Everything is fine and dandy until you piss her off and then she brings back all the stupid stuff you've done in your life and punishes you for it.
Which is kind of what I did. I didn't go see him for the first two and half months he was there. I didn't even consider him to be my boyfriend. I didn't write him. I barely wanted to talk about him. And then I felt generous and went to the prison and got to see him through the bullet-proof glass and talk to him through a crappy phone. And three weeks ago, I got to actually hug him and hold his hand and kiss his inmate face.
I was going to end this differently, but I can't figure out what I want to say and what feels right. But then again, nothing really feels right anymore.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Passion for Publication
I have serious delusions of grandeur. For some reason I always imagine myself one day becoming almost famous, right on the edge of fame. Not for anything specific. For music, or poetry, or a radio talk show I'm meant for, or for a restaurant that I hope to have one day, or a novel I haven't even written yet. It's not so much that I want to be famous, it's more that I want people to recognize me.
And I know that I actually have to be motivated and do something if I want to be noted. I haven't overlooked that fact. But it's good to dream, right?
Let's talk about how I've got an unhealthy addiction to Ben & Jerry's Milk and Cookies ice cream. Well, really, there's nothing to discuss about that. I just thought you should know.
Is it bad that I want to go back to my senior year in high school when I was adorable and not-quite-emo but was in love with all the straight-haired boys in the punk bands? Is it bad that I feel just like a teenybopper when I hear and see some of these bands now? If you feel the same way, I've got some bands you need to look up. Better yet, I'll update my playlist on this thing so you can share in my love.
I have a zillion books that I need to read and I keep putting them off. I don't know why I got them. I don't really have the time, even though that's a lie. I've already read the one before, but I didn't really get to enjoy it. It was a library book and I felt rushed, but enjoyed it thoroughly. Water for Elephants. Look it up. I know it's going to be a movie. And to make myself feel better about myself, I have to tell you: I read it months before it was announced to be a movie. But you need to read it. It's about carnivaly, circusy, sideshowy, menagerie-y goodness.
I really had nothing to say today.
I love you kids, even though only I know that one person (maybe) reads this.
And I know that I actually have to be motivated and do something if I want to be noted. I haven't overlooked that fact. But it's good to dream, right?
Let's talk about how I've got an unhealthy addiction to Ben & Jerry's Milk and Cookies ice cream. Well, really, there's nothing to discuss about that. I just thought you should know.
Is it bad that I want to go back to my senior year in high school when I was adorable and not-quite-emo but was in love with all the straight-haired boys in the punk bands? Is it bad that I feel just like a teenybopper when I hear and see some of these bands now? If you feel the same way, I've got some bands you need to look up. Better yet, I'll update my playlist on this thing so you can share in my love.
I have a zillion books that I need to read and I keep putting them off. I don't know why I got them. I don't really have the time, even though that's a lie. I've already read the one before, but I didn't really get to enjoy it. It was a library book and I felt rushed, but enjoyed it thoroughly. Water for Elephants. Look it up. I know it's going to be a movie. And to make myself feel better about myself, I have to tell you: I read it months before it was announced to be a movie. But you need to read it. It's about carnivaly, circusy, sideshowy, menagerie-y goodness.
I really had nothing to say today.
I love you kids, even though only I know that one person (maybe) reads this.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Stuck in 1863
If I'm visiting your state and you know it, you can ask me what state I'm from, but not the town. Because will give you this reply:
"Well, I live in Reading Township, but my address says East Berlin. But if you've never lived in Adams County or a surrounding county, you've probably never heard of it. So, I'm just gonna say Gettysburg, since everyone's heard of Gettysburg. But that's still kind of small and no one ever knows where that is. So let's go with Harrisburg. That's the capital and I'm only an hourish away from it. But you probably still aren't very familiar with the geography of Pennsylvania. So I'm just gonna tell you Philly. Because we're about 45 minutes closer to there than Pittsburgh. And I know it's two hours away from where I really live, but you're probably more likely to have heard of AND know where Philly is. And if you don't, I'm from New York City."
That's something that just really annoys me. The only way it's acceptable to ask the town or general area of where someone else lives is if you say "Oh! I used to live in _name of town_! Is that close to where you're from?" or "My mother (or someone else you know very well) lives there. Where about?"
And the people that say "Oh really? Where?" They really bother me. I know they don't mean it in the same context, but it just sounds like they're testing me, that I'm not really from PA.
And I know I do it sometimes. Like Florida. That's the only place I'm ever interested in knowing where someone lives. 'Cause chances are, I've been there numerous times. And I live there occasionally. So, see? I'm acceptable.
"Well, I live in Reading Township, but my address says East Berlin. But if you've never lived in Adams County or a surrounding county, you've probably never heard of it. So, I'm just gonna say Gettysburg, since everyone's heard of Gettysburg. But that's still kind of small and no one ever knows where that is. So let's go with Harrisburg. That's the capital and I'm only an hourish away from it. But you probably still aren't very familiar with the geography of Pennsylvania. So I'm just gonna tell you Philly. Because we're about 45 minutes closer to there than Pittsburgh. And I know it's two hours away from where I really live, but you're probably more likely to have heard of AND know where Philly is. And if you don't, I'm from New York City."
That's something that just really annoys me. The only way it's acceptable to ask the town or general area of where someone else lives is if you say "Oh! I used to live in _name of town_! Is that close to where you're from?" or "My mother (or someone else you know very well) lives there. Where about?"
And the people that say "Oh really? Where?" They really bother me. I know they don't mean it in the same context, but it just sounds like they're testing me, that I'm not really from PA.
And I know I do it sometimes. Like Florida. That's the only place I'm ever interested in knowing where someone lives. 'Cause chances are, I've been there numerous times. And I live there occasionally. So, see? I'm acceptable.
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