Damn your sweet memory

I don't know what I'm doing. If you were ever under the impression that I had the slightest clue, you were either horribly mistaken or easily fooled. Seriously.
One second I've got hopes and dreams for this beautiful future with a missionary in San Jose and then hours later I'm knowingly ruining any of those chances by having delusions of grandeur about someone here. I
I know it's going to get me in trouble sooner or later even though it already has numerous times.
I blame it on not writing anymore. I always knew what I was going to do with my life when I would write everything down. And even if I wasn't quite sure, I would still write about what I didn't know and that made everything feel a little simpler.
I haven't written beautiful words in what seems like a literal eternity. The closest thing I've gotten to it: I was falling asleep the other day thinking about how a friend was sick and losing her voice. And then I came up with this quote/mantra. "You can lose your mind, your marbles, and your balance but you should never lose your voice." As in, you can physically lose your voice, but you should never lose your opinion. Ya meen?
As per usual, I forgot the mind-blowing purpose of this post. And will now end on an awkward note.